讲英语笑话

讲英语笑话_最经典英文笑话

英文笑话 一眼就看中 The girl found the go-between and said, You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ? I have told you. said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye. Notes: (1) go-between n.媒人 (2) settle on 选定；决定 Exercises: 根据短文判断下列句子正（T）、（F）： ① The girl was angry with the go-between for having cheated her. ② The girl married the one-eyed man. ③ The go-between hadn't told the girl the fact. ④ The go-between thought that justice was on his side. ⑤ The girl hadn't fully understood the go-between's words. 112.一眼就看中 姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我？” “怎么没告诉你？”媒人也不甘示弱， “你们第一回见面后， 我就说， 他一眼就看中你了。

” 借公牛一用 Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words. One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man. After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly. Notes: (1) he pretended to be reading it 他假装读着字条。

(2) pretend to do 佯装做 Exercises:根据短文回答下列问题： ① When did the story take place? ② What problem did the rich man have? ③ What did his friend want to borrow from him? ④ Who took the note to the rich man? ⑤ The rich man made a fool of himself, didn't he? 111.借公牛一用 从前，有个人很富有，但他不识字。

一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一头公牛，便写了 个条，让仆人送到富人那里。

仆人把条子给了富人。富人便假装看了一会儿，然后说道：“好啦，我知道了。回去告 诉你的主人，我马上自己过去。” 练习参考答案： ① A long time ago. ② He didn't know and words. ③ An ox. ④ The servant. ⑤ Yes, he did. You may select 可以选择 The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish. One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, My dear, what will we eat today? The wife said, You may select the dish today. The husband was very glad and asked, Which dishes are there today? Cabbage. The others? None. Then how to select? Eat or not eat! the wife said. Notes: (1) complain v.抱怨 (2) cabbage n.白菜 Exercises: 根据短文选择正确答案： ① What did the husband complain about? A. His wife sometimes cooked the same dish. B. His wife seldom cooked the same dish. C. His wife always cooked the same dish. D. His wife didn't cook any dish. ② What question did the husband ask one day? A. He asked what they would cat. B. He asked if there was anything to eat. C. He asked if there was any meat. D. He asked if there was any cabbage. ③ The wife told him that_____ . A. there was no meat B. there was a lot of cabbage C. he

讲英语笑话_英语小笑话

校园幽默四则 1. Two BirdsTeacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 鱼网 "你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother. "I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....." 新老师9 月 1 日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说 3 加 3 得 6, 可后来又说 2 加 4 也得 6。" 4. A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears. 一次物理考试 在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问 题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？ 尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

经典英语小笑话1. the lowest grade "Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don't think I deserve a zero." "Neither do I. But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give." 最低分 学生：“教授先生，我这次考试已经竭尽全力了。我真的觉得我不应该得零 蛋。” 老师：“我也是。但是这已经是我能给的最低分了！” 2. Real Play When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater's current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance,one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television." 逼真的戏剧 我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演 出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧 是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。” 本贴来自天极网群乐社区---10130234.htmlTOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。" DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU? One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?" "No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself," said Tim. 你爸爸帮你了吗？ 你爸爸帮你了吗？ 一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆，你这次的作业全都 做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？" "不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。" 英语幽默笑话 Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!" 吉姆说:"你妈妈能!" 附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.英语笑话故事 1. He WonTommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

2. I Have His Ear in My PocketIvan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother."I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。

“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

讲英语笑话_英语小笑话

小笑话 Cat and Mouse A mouse is in his mouse hole and he wants to go out to get something to eat, but he’s afraid there might be a big cat outside, so he puts his ear by the opening and all he hears is “Bow Wow” so he thinks, “Well, there can’t be a cat out there because there’s a big old dog”. So he goes out of his mouse hole and is promptly caught and eaten by a cat, who licks his lips and says “It’s good to speak two languages!” 翻 译成汉语讲，很有意思。Where there is a will, there is a way. Who washed Washington’s white woolen underwear when Washington’s washer woman went west?Rainbow at night is the traveler’s delight; rainbow in the morning, travelers take warning. 傍晚出虹，明日放晴；清晨出虹，风雨送行。

Trick or treat.不给糖果就捣蛋（西方万圣节的夜晚，孩子们会在敲别人家门时大声喊这句话） Deeds, not words. 要行动，不要空谈。中国学生的英语发音差点把老外吓死。

一位刚到美国留学的中国小伙子寄宿在一位美国老头家。一 日，这位留学生想找房东借把刀（knife）把一根木棒砍断， 于是他匆匆拿着这根木棒跑到房东那里，由于他 [n]和 [l]不 分，把“I want your knife.”念成了“I want your life.”结 果把“我要你的刀”说成 “我要你的命。

”吓得美国佬差点 没有晕过去。A fat cat is catching a fat rat.有一位中国人去美国。遇到危险喊救命， “help”没有人管， 就是因为元音发的不饱满。

英语中元音是响音， 所以要饱满。邓小平单枪匹马应付外国记者 邓小平出访美国，美各大报社记者都踊跃采访，想一睹中国 伟大的领导人的英姿。他们听说中国领导人的英语水平都非 常好，就都想试探一下。不巧的是当时小平身边的一翻和二 翻都不在（国家领导人都有几个翻译随访） （可能他们上厕 所了） ，记者们就想让小平出丑。就问小平问题，小平知道一点英语，这个问题是以“what”开头。但老头不敢冒然作 答。老头当时特别着急，左等右等，一翻和二翻也不回来， 老头就想“what”是“什么” ，我第一次来美国，一般都会 问“贵姓?” 老头乐了，就回答： “我姓邓” （邓小平是四川 人，带一口浓厚的家乡音，于是我姓邓的四川音 “Washington” .） 其实记者问的问题是， “What’s the capital of America?”记者席下一片唏嘘声，大家纷纷点头。老头自 信了。也乐了。这时，又有记者提问，仍然是以“what”开 头。老头心想，刚刚他问了我姓什么，我说“我姓邓”我答 对了。

按照常理推测就应该是我叫什么了。

由于等不到翻译， 于是老头回答“小平”记者们彼此看看，点头表示赞赏。(小 平此处来美是携夫人和女儿的，于是记者文的问题是， “What are your wife and daughter doing now?” 老头的回 答是“shopping” 和他的名字“小平”很像。

） 知道自己回答对了两道题，老头非常高兴。心想这回不 会在问我问题了吧。记者们看到邓小平的英语水平，觉得难 不倒他，于是他们就决定问他比较敏感的问题。当时海峡两 岸的关系非常紧张，于是决定问他有关政治的问题。他们就 问道“Who is the leader of Taiwan?” 自己心思不会在问问 题了，可是记者偏偏还问。害怕自己回答错了，出丑，老头 就说了一句， “你等会。

”配上自己的家乡音，就是一个“李 登辉” 。记者们赞许的点点头。小平同志又答对了。记者不依不饶又问道， “Who is going to the next leading after Li Denghui?”老头等不到翻译，记者还老问，让他们“等会儿 （登辉） ”还不等，于是生气了，说道， “随便” ，恰好是“陈 水扁”的四川音。天下大事，无巧不成书。老头一看形式， 似乎他说“随便” ， 记者们还挺高兴。心里想这外国人就是 又意思，你生气，他们还高兴。当时正是美国实行“战略导 弹防御体系”的时候，所以记者就问小平， “美国的这个体 系是什么？” 邓小平当时非常生气，也顾不上什么领不领 导人了，于是就骂了一句， “TaMaDe”, 此语一出，顿时掌 声雷动， 欢呼雀跃。

记者们非常钦佩中国领导人的英语水平， 纷纷竖起了大拇指。这是小平的一翻和二翻都回来了，他就 和他们说，这老外还真特别，我骂他们，他们还对我竖大拇 指，说“good good”.